• Moose

     Moose

    Moose is the voice of reason in an increasingly unreasonable world. At least, that’s what it says on his T-shirt. That he doesn’t wear. Because he’s a moose. Most of the time Moose just wants some peace and quiet, but he usually ends up with the exact opposite of those things.

    Likes: Outdoor recreation, horror movies, folk punk indie rock
    Dislikes: Reality shows, litter, hanging out with Chicken

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Ask Bessie

  • Q.

    My vacation plans fell through for Labor Day and most of my friends will be out of town. Any fun ideas for things to do close to home this weekend?

    Ashley

  • A.

    It’s a rarely known fact that Labor Day was actually invented by greeting card companies. This is rarely known because it is untrue. Have you ever gotten a Labor Day card? Of course not. That would be silly. I don’t know why you brought it up.

    Anyway! There are plenty of things that you can do over a long weekend “staycation.” This is a great opportunity to get something done that you’ve been putting off for a while. I, for example, will be mowing my lawn. By eating it. Because I eat grass!

    But it sounds like you’re looking for something more recreational. Consider taking up a new hobby, such as badminton or time travel. Or visit your local aquarium! Be sure to taunt the hell out of those sharks. They deserve it.

    Bessie

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