Written by Chicken
A lot of people I know (and by “people I know,” I mean “people on Facebook and Youtube who I’ve never met and actually don’t want to very much”) have been saying that all of the hurricanes and earthquakes that have happened lately are because of God being angry that gay marriage is happening. That’s pretty nuts!
Oh, don’t get me wrong. Gay marriage totally causes hurricanes. It just doesn’t have anything to do with religion.
It’s actually very scientific, so I’ll explain it to you while wearing my professional science glasses.
Science!
Many scientists have suggested that the increase in global warming is actually causing more natural disasters such as hurricanes. And global warming, despite what those angry people on the news keep saying, is probably caused by folks like you and me. Mostly you.
The more energy we use, the more it contributes to global warming. Just think about how much energy gets used when you have a wedding: printing invitations, baking the cake, and driving to the reception where you’ve hired Gwar to play a full-length concert. Do you have any idea how much electricity a Gwar concert uses? It’s pretty ridiculous. Also Gwar seems like sort of a weird choice to play at your gay wedding reception, but I’m not here to judge.
To put it simply, gay marriage = more marriages = more energy usage = more global warming = more hurricanes.
Don’t get me wrong, gay people should totally get married! But please, gays: make your wedding eco-friendly. You are seriously driving us crazy with all these hurricanes.
Tiny DJ
Jethro Troll
