Written by Moose
I wouldn’t consider myself an especially political moose. I know that there was something called the Bull Moose Party a while back, but without even doing any research, I’m guessing that there weren’t any actual moose in it. Point is, I’m not a Republican. But if I were, I think that I would most likely not vote for Jonathon Sharkey.
Every election has that handful of candidates whose chances of winning are, let’s say, slender. Jimmy McMillan of the Rent is Too Damn High Party is one example. Chicken is another. I keep telling him that you can’t just say you’re running for President. There’s, like, paperwork and stuff to fill out. Paperwork that Chicken most certainly doesn’t have the attention span to complete.
Chicken is probably never going to be president. And neither is Jonathon Sharkey.
Sharkey is a Republican presidential candidate, a pro wrestler, a follower of Luciferianism (which, as I understand it, is sort of like “Satanism-lite”), and a “sanguinary vampyre.” That last one means that he drinks blood twice a week. He also claims to be a direct descendant of Vlad the Impaler. I’m told that Republicans (and, indeed, most people) are not exactly a fan of some of these things.
This guy’s chances of actually winning the Republican nomination are further diminished by his other somewhat shady activities. Yikes! Those are some very young people that you have dated, Vlad Jr.!
Kidding aside, it’s pretty obvious that Sharkey’s just looking for attention. Pretty much everything about him (including his positively epic mustache) seems singularly focused toward that goal. So all in all, I’m not too concerned about the possibility of an administration run by vampires (or “vampyres,” or whatever the politically correct term is).
Moose
Chicken
