Written by Moose
Contrary to popular belief (or at least Chicken’s belief, which he shouts at me on a fairly regular basis), dragons do not actually exist. Such outlandish creatures exist only in the realm of fantasy. Take it from me, a talking moose. But (and I can’t believe I’m even saying this) Chicken is right about one thing: dragons are pretty awesome.
Awesome.
If someone asked me, “Moose, if you weren’t a moose, what would you want to be?” If “extremely wealthy and psychologically fulfilled” weren’t an option, then let me tell you right now… I’d be a freakin’ dragon. Also, my name wouldn’t be Moose anymore, because that would be silly. My name would be Gilgamesh.
Look to your right. Look at that sweet dragon. That thing’s scales are so thick and magical that the only way a freakin’ knight on horseback can even come close to putting up a fight is by shoving a spear directly into the dragon’s mouth. The dragon’s not even fazed by it. He’s like, “Oh, thank you, Mr. Knight. Thank you for giving me a spear to eat. I think that spears are delicious. Know what else is delicious? You. Because now I’m eating you.”
Dragons don’t give a damn. They never have to wait in a long line at the DMV to get their driver’s license renewed. They jump straight to the front of the line and say, “Renew my driver’s license right now or I will breath fire on you, Pam.” And Pam would give that dragon a new driver’s license, and she wouldn’t even question why a dragon needs a car when it already has awesomely majestic wings. She also wouldn’t make fun of my favorite tie that nobody else seems to think looks stupid.
So, in summary, here are the reasons why dragons are awesome:
- Awesome magical scales
- Awesome majestic wings
- Awesome fire breath
- Do not have to wait in line at the stupid DMV
- Pam is incredibly rude and clearly has zero fashion sense anyway
Bessie
Jethro Troll
